Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Month
Being pregnant is often filled with highs, lows and hopes and plans for your future. When your pregnancy dreams are cut short by heartbreak due to the loss of your unborn child, the emptiness can feel awful. Whether pregnancy loss happens because of miscarriage, stillbirth, or the difficult choice of terminating for medical reasons, also known as TFMR.
The grief of a pregnancy loss is often unseen and misunderstood by the world, but it is deeply real to those who experience it. If this is something you’ve experienced or are experiencing, know you deserve to grieve in your own way, because there is no “right way” to feel during this time. You are not alone in your pregnancy loss and grief. Because of the stigma around pregnancy loss, it’s a topic that’s rarely discussed openly.
What Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day
In 1988, President Ronald Reagan declared October as National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month. This was an important first step to bringing this unspoken topic to light. The movement to bring more awareness happened in the early 2000s when a group of grieving parents and advocates came together to establish a day of remembrance so that families had an official way to honor their babies. In 2006 their dream came to fruition when all 50 U.S. states officially recognized October 15th as Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day.
Understanding Emotional Grief After Pregnancy Loss
Feeling a piece of you is missing and a hole in your heart for the baby you loved and the future you had hoped for is something many people experience. This loss runs really deep, and is something hard for those to understand that haven’t had a pregnancy loss. Other emotions may come up as you work through your grief.
Guilt & Self-Blame
Many parents question if they did something wrong or could have prevented the loss. Some people start to go over and over in their head if the loss was caused by something they ate, did they expose their baby to something bad, did they not take the right vitamins, etc. These feelings are common, even if you didn’t do anything wrong.
Anger & Frustration
It’s common to feel anger or frustration after the loss of a pregnancy. You might find yourself questioning “why me?” and are angry at the world, at your body for letting you down, or at the unfairness of what’s happening. These emotions can be really strong and all encompassing, however, feeling all your emotions is part of grieving and how deep your loss is. Recognizing and expressing your emotions is a healthy way to work through your grief and steps towards healing.
Numbness & Disbelief
After the loss of a pregnancy, it’s common to feel numb or in shock, and some may struggle to fully process what has happened or to believe that the loss is real. This sense of detachment can be a protective mechanism to give yourself the space to gradually process and come to terms with your grief.
Loneliness
Because pregnancy loss is something we openly discuss and this can feel incredibly isolating. It may feel like no one in the world understands what you are going through, especially if friends or family don’t know how to offer support or aren’t there for you like you think they should be.
Why Pregnancy Loss Support Is Important
Because pregnancy loss is something we openly discuss and this can feel incredibly isolating. It may feel like no one in the world understands what you are going through, especially if friends or family don’t know how to offer support or aren’t there for you like you think they should be.
Navigating this grief alone can be a heavy burden to carry. Whether it’s family, friends, support groups, or a counselor you can talk to about your loss can be a huge help is starting to heal and process your grief.
Talk To Your Partner⎯If you have a partner, they’re likely grieving too, just in their own way. Honest, open communication can help you understand how you each are grieving, and find strength together to navigate this difficult time.
Trusted Friends & Family⎯Most people might not know what to say, but there are close people in your life who want to be there for you. Whether you want to talk or just have someone sit with you in silence, it’s okay to ask for this support.
Find a Support Group⎯Connecting with others who have experienced pregnancy loss can make you feel like you’re not alone. Hearing stories and sharing your own in a safe, non-judgmental space can be liberating and help you get out emotions you might not be able to share with others. Here’s a list of support groups:
Talking To A Counselor About Your Grief
A counselor who specializes in grief and loss can provide you with tools and strategies to process your emotions. At GWW, we offer a safe space to express your feelings and navigate through your grief, however that may look. You aren’t alone and we’re here to help you whether you’ve had a miscarriage, still birth, or TFMR. Contact us to schedule a free 15-minute consultation, or schedule a session with one of our therapists.
Christine Grounds, LCSW
Christine Grounds is a therapist in NYC and the founder of Grounded Women’s Wellness. She specializes in working with women ages 20-50 who are navigating transitions in work, relationships and parenthood. She also has extensive experience working with new parents and parents of children with special needs.
