Coping With Holiday Stress
There's this cultural narrative that the holidays should be perfect, and we should feel nothing but gratitude and joy from TV ads showing this to Hallmark movies to displays in stores of happy families. But these images of the perfect holiday aren’t real for many people. Holidays can bring stress due to family and social obligations, emotional weight of family dynamics, financial pressure of giving gifts, and worry about setting boundaries around topics you’d rather not discuss. The pressure to create the perfect holiday gathering can feel overwhelming and turn what should be a happy time into a source of high stress. Even those who usually handle stress well can struggle during the holidays due to the expectations others put on us and those we put on ourselves. Instead of chasing perfection, focus on what you have control over and what will make you happy during the holiday season.
Why Holiday Is Different Than Everyday Stress
The holidays bring a kind of stress that feels different from what we face day to day. While everyday stress might involve a demanding deadline, getting chores done, and paying bills, holiday stress is often compounded into one event. There’s the financial strain (gifts, travel), social expectations (seeing everyone), and the disruption to normal routines like sleep, exercise, and diet. Holidays can also trigger deeper emotional stressors such as grief, loneliness, or dealing with complex family dynamics, which are usually something you don’t have to deal with during the rest of the year. This perfect storm of financial, social, and emotional demands creates a stress that is often more intense and harder to avoid than usual daily worries.
Setting Realistic Expectations During The Holidays
Much of our holiday stress comes from the pressure to keep everyone happy and keep any simmering emotions at bay. From flawless decorations, home cooked meals, and over-the-top gifts, the expectation of perfection can create stress leading up to and during the holidays. However, “perfection is not possible. Perfection is an age-old myth that creates more pain than joy, more confusion than calm, more angst than creative productivity.” Give yourself permission to be okay if things aren't perfect. Focus on connecting with family and friends and creating memories.
Let your loved ones know what topics are off limits to reduce your stress about them being brought up. Some of these topics could include:
Some sensitive subjects include:
Politics⎯Differing views can quickly turn conversations into arguments.
Religion & Spiritual Beliefs⎯Even among family, beliefs can vary, and lead to conflict.
Money & Finances⎯Questions and discussions about income, debt, or spending habits can feel intrusive.
Health Issues Or Weight⎯Comments about diets, appearance, or discussing medical conditions can be triggering.
Relationships Or Family Planning⎯Asking about marriage, children, or divorces can be uncomfortable and awkward to share with everyone.
Past Family Conflicts⎯Bringing up old arguments or grudges can reopen those wounds.
Controversial Social Issues⎯Topics like abortion, vaccinations, or social movements may start arguments if people feeling strongly about them one way or the other.
Manage Your Time
Plan Ahead⎯Create a schedule for shopping, cooking, and events so you can visually see your commitments and hopefully reduce the need for last-minute rushing around.
Prioritize Tasks⎯Focus on what’s most important what you can handle.
Delegate When Possible⎯Share responsibilities with family members or friends whether it’s cooking, decorating, running errands, or wrapping presents.
Schedule Time For Yourself⎯When you're busy taking care of everything and everyone else, it's easy to let your own needs fall to the wayside. Self-care is essential so you’re not pouring from an empty cup.
Prepare For Travel In Advance⎯If you’re traveling for the holidays, pack early and plan ahead to avoid last-minute stress like booking a car or finding a hotel, if you need to.
Allow For Flexibilty⎯Holidays rarely go exactly as planned, so if changes need to happen try not to get upset. If this happens, it might be a good idea to do something for yourself to calm down.
Holiday Support: How Therapy Can Make a Difference
Don't wait until you’re feeling overwhelmed with stress due to the holidays⎯contact us for a free 15-minute consultation. If you’re struggling with anxiety, stress, sadness, or difficulty coping, our therapists at GWW are here to help you with tips and coping strategies to help you through the run up to the holidays and during them.
Christine Grounds, LCSW
Christine Grounds is a therapist in NYC and the founder of Grounded Women’s Wellness. She specializes in working with women ages 20-50 who are navigating transitions in work, relationships and parenthood. She also has extensive experience working with new parents and parents of children with special needs.
