Adoption & Trauma: Why A Therapist Who Shares Your Identity Is Powerful
Finding the right therapist can feel like searching for a needle in a haystack, and this can feel even harder if you’re an adoptee dealing with complex trauma and powerful emotions that no one seems to understand. This is why finding a therapist who actually shares your lived experience, can make all the difference in your healing journey.
What Is Adoption Trauma?
Adoption creates a specific type of trauma that's often misunderstood or minimized. Unlike other forms of trauma that happen to people later in life, adoption trauma begins with the separation from biological parents, sometimes referred to as the "primal wound." This early separation can create lasting effects on attachment, self-worth, and sense of identity.
Many adoptees struggle with:
Identity confusion and finding it difficult to form a stable sense of self, especially when biological and adoptive backgrounds feel disconnected. Examples of this could be that an adoptee comes from a different culture or their adoptive family are all athletes, when they don’t like sports at all.
Even in loving adoptive families, the early separation from birth parents can create a deep sense of loss.
Adoptees may worry a lot about being abandoned or rejected because they could have interpreted being adopted as meaning they were “unwanted” or “not good enough.”
Not fully feeling part of either biological or adoptive families, or between cultures in transracial/international adoptions.
There could be a feeling of internalized stigma about adoption. For example, people may “view adoption as “second best” compared to being born into a family, [which] often fosters a sense of stigma for adoptees.”
Medical and family history gaps due to lack of access to biological family health information or cultural heritage.
Exploring connections with biological relatives can stir up deep emotions and trigger trauma from childhood.
Why Shared Identity With A Therapist Creates Deeper Understanding
When your therapist shares aspects of your identity, it can create a connection that feels really strong. The therapist doesn't need lengthy explanations about what it feels like to not look like your family or to wonder about your biological parents every birthday, because they get it.
Modeling Resilience
Seeing someone who has shared your experience and found a path toward healing can be incredibly inspiring. A therapist who is also an adoptee brings more than professional expertise, they also embody resilience. Their lived experience can inspire clients to trust in their own ability to heal and grow.
Validation Beyond Words
Adoptee experiences can be complex and sometimes isolating. A therapist who shares your identity can validate those feelings on a level that feels personal, so you don't have to worry about being misunderstood.
Recognizing Subtle Triggers & Patterns
Some adoptee struggles—like grief over unknown family history, identity conflict, or attachment challenges—can be subtle and easily missed. A therapist who’s an adoptee is more likely to notice these patterns and respond with helpful and relatable coping strategies.
Building Trust Through Shared Experience
Adoptees often wrestle with vulnerability and trust, especially when it comes to unpacking complex emotions around identity, loss, and belonging. Having a therapist who’s experienced a journey like yours can completely transform how supported and understood you feel in therapy. When your therapist has been in your shoes, therapy isn’t just getting tools that help you, but also about feeling fully supported by someone who truly gets it. This can make therapy sessions feel more relevant and actionable.
How Counseling Can Help You In Your Healing Journey
Working with a therapist who truly understands what it’s like to be an adoptee, not only validates your experience, but shows you that you don’t have to navigate your emotions alone. As an adoptee herself, Jill is passionate about helping those with a shared identity process difficult emotions, untangle complex experiences, and make sense of your past. She provides a safe, nonjudgmental space to explore your identity, build resilience, gain confidence, and develop healthier relationships. If you have questions or want to learn what Jill’s approach to therapy is, schedule a free 15-minute consultation so she can answer any questions.
Jill Dovale, LMSW
Jill Dovale specializes in working with individuals who are experiencing chronic/serious illness, supporting adoptees in navigating identity and family, and providing support with self-discovery, coping with stress and loss, and connecting with inner resources.
